apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
