Need sex. Gaining weight.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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