its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
