Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
