Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
