remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
