My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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