Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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