no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
