no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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