im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
