the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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