soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
sex in a hospital.. check
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
