That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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