After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
