hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
