You really coming over, don't trick.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
