If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize