I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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