It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
