Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At least life still wants to fuck me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
