i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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