He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I think I just sharted jello shots
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
