Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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