I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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