You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
