you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
