i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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