He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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