hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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