I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
