Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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