Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
