I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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