she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
