the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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