your thong is hanging out like whoa
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
