I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My bed smells like the plague
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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