Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just gargled with NyQuil
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
