Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
