he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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