Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
