After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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