I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
