Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
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whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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