if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
