I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
