i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
