I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
