I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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