I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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