does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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