I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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