My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
