Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
