road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
