Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
