Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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