now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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