Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
