i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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