Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
